Milestones

Milestones... oh the milestones... you cannot go through life with a baby without thinking about and tracking milestones. It can be really exciting to watch your little one figuring out different skills and exploring the world around him. It can also be stressful to watch your little one developing at a slower pace than others. The hard part is, that it doesn't matter how many times people tell you that every kid is different, you still compare. You still want to have the kid that is highly developed, a quick learner, happy and well-behaved. Plus, you don't just question your kid's abilities, you also question your parenting. Have I been giving him enough opportunities to pull himself up from a sitting position? Do I play with him too much so he doesn't play well by himself? Have I not played with him enough so that he needs my attention and help in discovering new things? Do I do a good job of teaching him what different things are to help his vocabulary grow? The thoughts, fears and questions never end. The comparisons and expectations never end. I was even reading about some ways of helping newborns with some different developmental skills that I never did with Jeremiah and I began to feel bad that I didn't!

Then I started thinking a little more rationally. For centuries, mothers have not had articles telling them how to help their child develop and reach different milestones. For centuries, mothers have not had Pinterest activities for motor development or problem solving skills. For centuries, mothers have simply loved their children, played with them, lived life with them, and they develop naturally out of curiosity for life and the world. They naturally desire to learn and grow, if I simply let him explore, let him be part of my life and learn from me, he will grow and develop mentally, spiritually and physically.

I've already noticed this to be true. Sure he began crawling at 10 months instead of 7 or 8, but that's normal. Sure he still doesn't have any teeth and he's coming up to 11 months, but that is also normal. He should be pulling himself up from a sitting position by now, and he isn't, but I don't believe it's a developmental delay or something is wrong with him. He has tried and is beginning to figure it out, but he's too interested in other things right now. He'll get there in good time. We talk and sing and play and he's now exploring everything he can crawl up to. He's a smart little guy with a large amount of curiosity and sense of adventure. I know he'll be fine =)

Glamorous

We see it all the time. College graduates going off and... not using their degrees as expected. I used to think this was so stupid. Why would you waste time and money if you're not going to go into the field you study? I was for sure this would never happen to me!
Well, I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Ministry and my major was Worship Arts. Today I am a domestic engineer (aka stay-at-home-mom). I change dirty diapers, feed the baby, play with the baby, become frustrated with the baby... I clean, cook, manage our finances, plan meals, shop, and run errands with a sometimes not so patient baby... I do give a guitar lesson to a friend, and I do play every other week or so on our worship team. But I have no income, no title, no designated office to work out of.

I began thinking about all of this and how un-glamorous it can be. I'm a mom and wife. It's really just NOT glamorous. It can be beautiful, it can be ugly, and I love it as much as I get frustrated with it, but it's not something you're going to be reading about in my college alumni spotlights.

I know lots of other friends in similar situations. They've graduated college, and are seemingly living this mundane, un-glamorous life. They are working in a field that has nothing to do with their degree, they maybe have yet to find a place to settle down, they might feel stuck and like there's nothing exciting to share about their life.

But you know what? That glamour we seek doesn't really exist. Even when you DO find yourself doing what you always expected you would be doing, even if you are in the field you always dreamed you would be in, or married to the greatest person you know... the glamour always fades. The excitement, the thrill, gets slapped in the face with the reality of hardships, struggles and (shocker) hard work!

I thought there would be glamour in marriage, well it's beautiful I am so happy to be married to this fantastic man... but it sure isn't always glamourous.
I thought there would be glamour in working at Starbucks! (Barista is such a cool title!) But... that glamour also died pretty quick and was way less exciting than I thought it would be.

I thought there would be glamour in being a mom (HA!) I am sooooo not glamourous on a regular basis, and baby boy isn't exactly the perfect angel I was expecting I would have.
I thougt there would be glamour in being a STAY-AT-HOME mom... All the free time I want? Pshh... lets say I have free time to get all the chores done, dinner done, and baby alive. (Throw in an hour of 'me' time if I choose not to nap)

But three things: 1) even if I were a fantastic worship leader, or leading some crazy awesome ministry with victims of human trafficking… the glamour would fade because it should never be about us. 2) My life, in every little mundane thing that I do, only finds glamour and purpose when I turn the spotlight onto God. 3) I LOVE my life not because it feels glamourous but because it is life. It's real, raw, life where I'm learning and growing and changing as a mother, wife, friend and most of all as a servant (even that is not TRULY glamourous). As a servant, if I find myself feeling glamourous, then my focus was never truly servant-hearted.

So back to the whole 'not using your degree' thing: I know that all the experience, knowledge, community and growth I experienced while pursuing my degree has prepared me in more ways than I can explain for my journey. Ministry and Worship is not simply part of a job title, but they permeate my life as a mother, wife, friend and servant. 

I hope this can be somewhat encouraging to others. If you feel like a failure, or like you didn't live up to the expectations, or that the exciting job you sought eventually began to feel like normal life… embrace life. Find God at work in the tiny, mundane things you do every day and LIVE loving others full-heartedly. Nothing is more glamourous than pouring out yourself to love others.

The way the world ought to be…?

I often think about the way the world ought to be. I have all these ideas about the way it should be, this utopia in my head. People should really invest in their community, share and love one another. People ought to have gardens and eat fresh fruits and veggies, make their own meals at home from scratch, and highly limit the processed foods in their diet. FDA should consult natural/organic eating researchers when coming up with their information. We should ban the use of high fructose corn syrup. Everyone should recycle and limit their trash output, their energy use, and do what they can to conserve in every area. People should get out and walk more. Everyone should love and appreciate nature. People ought to be simple, not needing the greatest or newest things. Everyone should love coffee and share a cup a day with someone... ok so some of it is definitely far-fetched. Now at first, I felt that many of these thoughts came from God-honoring desires to take care of what God has given me. I then concluded that this must be the world God wants as well! But the more I have thought about it, and having looked over my list... I realize that while some of these things are good and definitely don't go against the will of God, this is not necessarily the world God wants, it's simply the world I want.

In Isaiah God says,
⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

This is a humble reminder that I cannot fathom the way the world truly ought to be, the way God truly designed it. While there are definitely fundamental truths that we can know about God's desires for us and the world, there is a reason God made us each with unique gifts and differences. Amanda's world would end up crumbling to pieces, everyone cannot be like Amanda, nor should they! (I hardly live up to my own ideals!) Plus, I would cease to be challenged by those who think differently and would cease to grow. I may think I have some great ideas, but I know I am nowhere near perfect and therefore could hardly decide on the perfect order of the world.

 All this to say, Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, here on earth as it is in heaven.