Rich Man

  Matthew 19

²⁴ Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! ²⁵ Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.

Ouch. It's amazing how true this is... how easily wealth and prosperity entangle us. In the past year, God has done incredible things in our lives. At the beginning of 2014, we found out that we were going to be having a baby. In preparation for this addition, we did what most thought seemed a little contradictory: we downsized. We found a smaller apartment to live in, got rid of a lot of things, cut our bills so that we could afford for me to be a stay at home mom with the new little guy. It really wasn't all that rough for us. There were difficulties to be sure, but we made it work. I was somewhat ungrateful at times, and wished for a larger space, but all in all, we were thankful for what we had. Then at the beginning of 2015 we began thinking more about purchasing a house. We were curious how much more it would add on to our budget and were surprised to find that we could get by with a much larger space and only a slight increase in our monthly bills. God opened the door and by April we became homeowners of a beautiful home, that was much nicer than we could have imagined having as a first home. It's at least 3x the size of our previous duplex. This was a huge answer to prayer and we have been so thankful!
Well today as I was walking around the neighborhood, I was looking at some of the other houses and began to envy some of the larger lots, the ones that had basements or second stories, and began to think and plan on how we might acquire more space. Maybe we could demolish the den and dig into the ground to build a basement and rebuild a den space over it. Then suddenly I caught myself. I realized that all we have been given already has been a HUGE blessing! We are in no way truly deserving of this home. It should have taken another 3-5 years or so before we could become homeowners. I hear story after story of people who had it rough, they saved loose change to get groceries, had to choose between groceries and gas... this has NEVER been a problem for us. We have all that we could ask for and more. Still others give as though we had nothing, and we are truly grateful for every loving gift poured out on us! But you see, all of this, knowing it's not deserved, knowing we have not worked nearly as hard as others have, and yet... I still became envious of more.

I know that God gives us dreams, Joshua and I still dream of one day owning a home in the country. Probably with a little more space so we can house a family of 6 or 7, plus have room for guests. But that's in the future. We have been in this home just over 3 months, and already I had forgotten to be thankful. I don't plan on letting go of our dreams and hopes, but in the meantime, I do plan on growing in my thanks.

²⁶ Those who heard this asked, “Who then can be saved?”
²⁷ Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

Thank God he has the ability to transform our hearts into true thanksgiving. May I recognize the Kingdom of God today, where I am at, in our current circumstances, and not expect to find it simply by having more.

Mommy Got Angry

The past few days I've noticed myself getting frustrated to the point of anger, and I felt it was pretty justified at first...

Frustration 1: I'm trying to help Jeremiah get a few more calories and protein in, as well as satisfy his desire for finger foods, so I've been trying some new things. Well first off, he's not liking some of the things I've tried, and then on top of that, he throws it on the floor if he doesn't want it.

Frustration 2: Jeremiah hardly lasts more than 5-10 minutes playing by himself without throwing a fit that often ends in screaming. I try to balance the times I need to get some things done with time I sit down and play and interact with him, but it doesn't seem to be helping...

Frustration 3: I have 3 baby males in the house. 1 baby boy, 2 little kittens... and I am constantly trying to teach them.. mostly by saying 'no' over and over again, which is not the word I wanted to be primary in my daily vocabulary... As much as I try to 'redirect' and be positive, it can be pretty difficult to stay positive by the time 3pm hits...

So eventually the frustrations have led to anger after the 50^th time. I'm ashamed to say that I've thrown cats across the room and when Jeremiah was in his walker screaming and running towards me over and over again while I was trying to clean up a mess that he made, I pushed him away pretty strongly... I eventually broke down in tears and began to feel like this was all WAY more than I asked for.

This morning I began to think about this anger... I asked myself, “Why am I really angry?” and in a moment the Holy Spirit nudged me and said “because you're not in control.” Granted frustrations are normal, and there is a place for anger, but I knew the way my anger kept getting out of hand that this was not right. I can't control Jeremiah, or any person, or cat, for that matter. I want so badly to follow a few simple steps to get him to behave the right way. I always thought it couldn't be THAT hard, but man it is! Especially now that I'm finding how often I fall short of my own expectations. Instead of turning these moments over to God and seeking his guidance in them, I become infuriated that I do not have control. I was never meant to have control, because I don't always know what is best. Thank God that He does and He is willing to teach me through this journey.

Here is a prayer I read last night from Stormie Omartian's A Book of Prayer:

Lord, I submit myself to You. I realize that parenting a child in the way You would have me to is beyond my human abilities. I know I need You to help me. I want to partner with You and partake of Your gifts of wisdom, discernment, revelation, and guidance. I also need Your strength and patience, along with a generous portion of Your love flowing through me.
Teach me how to love the way You love me. Where I need to be healed, delivered, changed, matured, or made whole, I invite You to do that in me. Help me to walk in righteousness and integrity before You.
Teach me Your ways, enable me to obey Your commandments and do only what is pleasing in Your sight.