Life is often full of
unexpected surprises, and for me being a mother is one of the biggest
surprises of them all. I've been a mother of a born child for almost
5 months and already this journey has been insane! Never in my life
have I experienced such a frustrating, tiring, yet peaceful, joyful,
love. In a single moment my son can make me want to scream and run,
and yet I find myself also with a desire to reach out and comfort my
poor baby. It's a never ending dichotomy.
Motherhood has this ability to bring
out the best AND the worst in you. I find myself struggling with how
selfish I am. This little boy has begun to take up all of my time and
energy and I want that back for ME. I miss the days when I could do
what I want, when I want, without the demands of a crying child
forcing me to put it aside. And yet, I find myself time and time
again putting those things aside. I find that I am learning to be
selfless and to put his needs above my own. I may get annoyed that he
doesn't sleep through the night or take naps very well without me
holding him, but here I am with him taking a nap in the moby wrap
because I know it will help him sleep.
With Motherhood I'm finding there are no 'one-size-fits-all' when it comes to babies. Every child is unique. While at times another mother's advice, tips, and hints have been helpful for me, sometimes it simply doesn't fit Jeremiah. There are two ways I can deal with this. The first method I've mastered is to keep searching for answers and how-to's and get overwhelmed and frustrated that my baby is 'different', 'high-need', 'fussy', etc. The second method is to not label him as any of those things, but to love who he is and adjust the ways I take care of him to his needs. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's worse. The more negatively I think of his behaviors the less likely I will be able to give him what he needs. To continue with my 'size' analogy: It's kind of like trying to wear a small when you actually need a medium. Wearing a small may sound better than a medium, but all it's doing is making you uncomfortable.
All in all, motherhood is a challenge. It's a beautiful challenge that I am so thankful God has trusted me with.
