Mommy Got Angry

The past few days I've noticed myself getting frustrated to the point of anger, and I felt it was pretty justified at first...

Frustration 1: I'm trying to help Jeremiah get a few more calories and protein in, as well as satisfy his desire for finger foods, so I've been trying some new things. Well first off, he's not liking some of the things I've tried, and then on top of that, he throws it on the floor if he doesn't want it.

Frustration 2: Jeremiah hardly lasts more than 5-10 minutes playing by himself without throwing a fit that often ends in screaming. I try to balance the times I need to get some things done with time I sit down and play and interact with him, but it doesn't seem to be helping...

Frustration 3: I have 3 baby males in the house. 1 baby boy, 2 little kittens... and I am constantly trying to teach them.. mostly by saying 'no' over and over again, which is not the word I wanted to be primary in my daily vocabulary... As much as I try to 'redirect' and be positive, it can be pretty difficult to stay positive by the time 3pm hits...

So eventually the frustrations have led to anger after the 50^th time. I'm ashamed to say that I've thrown cats across the room and when Jeremiah was in his walker screaming and running towards me over and over again while I was trying to clean up a mess that he made, I pushed him away pretty strongly... I eventually broke down in tears and began to feel like this was all WAY more than I asked for.

This morning I began to think about this anger... I asked myself, “Why am I really angry?” and in a moment the Holy Spirit nudged me and said “because you're not in control.” Granted frustrations are normal, and there is a place for anger, but I knew the way my anger kept getting out of hand that this was not right. I can't control Jeremiah, or any person, or cat, for that matter. I want so badly to follow a few simple steps to get him to behave the right way. I always thought it couldn't be THAT hard, but man it is! Especially now that I'm finding how often I fall short of my own expectations. Instead of turning these moments over to God and seeking his guidance in them, I become infuriated that I do not have control. I was never meant to have control, because I don't always know what is best. Thank God that He does and He is willing to teach me through this journey.

Here is a prayer I read last night from Stormie Omartian's A Book of Prayer:

Lord, I submit myself to You. I realize that parenting a child in the way You would have me to is beyond my human abilities. I know I need You to help me. I want to partner with You and partake of Your gifts of wisdom, discernment, revelation, and guidance. I also need Your strength and patience, along with a generous portion of Your love flowing through me.
Teach me how to love the way You love me. Where I need to be healed, delivered, changed, matured, or made whole, I invite You to do that in me. Help me to walk in righteousness and integrity before You.
Teach me Your ways, enable me to obey Your commandments and do only what is pleasing in Your sight.